We’re Not All Spouses And Parents

If you’re over the age of, say… 17 you likely already get questions about your future. Your parents, aunts, uncles, neighbors, church friends etc all want to know where you’re going to college, if you and your high school sweetheart are going to get married and if/when you plan on having kids. The old you get, the more pressure there is. It’s fucking ridiculous to be honest. Let’s talk about why.

positive family with girl in wheelchair in sunny park
Photo by Meruyert Gonullu

QOTD: Why Do We Assume Nobody Is Okay With Being ‘Alone’ ?

The question is inherently bias. Let’s start there. It makes the assumption that no one is okay with leaving this earth the same way they came into it: with likely many doctors around, a few key family members or possibly homeless people in an alley. The truth is, yes, we’re social creatures by nature. But nurture plays a huge part in our preferences and how we live our lives too. Some people have been nurtured into finding great solace in solitude and the freedom of radical automony and they don’t plan on ever changing that.

Man What Parents ?!

Aside from preference, some mothafuckas simply aren’t FIT for that lifestyle. Not everyone deserves to be a spouse or parent. At least not a healthy one. Or a sane one. Get this shit, a headline from the New York Times:

A frightened girl called 911 after her father killed her mother and sisters at her birthday party in Brooklyn before turning a gun on himself, the police said.

Susan Beachy

Let’s Talk About Parents

That article was written April 6 this year although it doesn’t specify on which date the incident was. It’s the perfect example of why despite what one wants, it’s sometimes more about fit. According to the New York Times, the 8 year olds father and her mother had been together 20 years. It was rocky the entire time. Neighbors reported often hearing fights from within the home. Of course, since he was black, they also point out he was a felon. I guess to prove he was a villain in totality and that this was no isolated incidence.

Mental Health and Parents or Spouses

A murder-suicide within a family. Tragic. This man was clearly someone struggling with severe mental problems. They also state that they lived in public housing so it’s likely that, living in poverty, he had little access to someone who could help him along the way. Probably wouldn’t have trusted someone who did offer to help because of the stigma of mental health. This tells us that he literally would not have been equipped with the tools like self-regulation that are necessary to maintain healthy relationships. It can be easily argued that he should have never had a spouse or a kid.

Sometimes It’s Not That Crazy

There are plenty of reasons many people just simply don’t want to be parents. The first, becoming a parent is a HUGE responsibility. You’re now responsible for an entire human life for up to 18 years and often beyond. That’s actually a big fucking deal. Also, if you have student loans and other debt, as most millennials do, you won’t even be able to afford a child without some type of welfare. Some people also suffer from fertility issues, making it either impossible or just a really bad idea to have kids. Last on my list, but least, having babies is genuinely unsafe if you’re a black woman. An alarming rate of us die during childbirth. Especially if we had any other pre-existing health conditions. Many women simply don’t want to risk it.

Quote That

“Perhaps it takes courage to raise children.”

John Steinbeck

If having kids is totally your jam though, don’t be afraid. The hardships are genuinely worth it to most of us. Even when we popped them thangs out completely on accident.

But Anyway…

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