Broken Homes, Child Support and Trauma

Broken hooooomes (in my Soulja Boy voice). I know all about broken households. I was raised in a single parent home. All of my life it has been my mother, sister, and me. As much as I hate to admit it, there is definitely some trauma I’ve carried into adulthood. I mean I have some DEEP seeded daddy issues, lemme tell ya. I have worked through some of them but the most difficult hurdle of them all is untying my self worth to abandonment.

empty damaged room with mattress
Photo by Wendelin Jacober on Pexels.com

QOTD: Who Is At Fault For Creating Broken Homes ?

No, really. We see it on social media all the time; women being told they should have chosen better. Or even that they should have had an abortion. Getting blamed simply for being a single mother as if it doesn’t take two to tango. So whose fault is it really ? Weigh in the comments and we’ll add it to the episode !

Man What Home ?!

Yes, I had a mother that did her best to raise two daughters into, for the most part, functional adults. She was a shield and protected us from childhood trauma such as sexual abuse. The one thing she was not able to keep my sister and I from experiencing was the trauma of not having a parent around. That is, not having our fathers in our lives. No two parent home.

I know, I know… that’s a little choppy. What I mean by this is that letting go of the notion that I am unlovable because one of the two people tasked with loving me decided… nah. For so long there has been this struggle between knowing it is not any fault of my own that my father did not want the child her created. And not letting his inadequacy lead to this feeling of me not deserving love. I only share this story because it is of the upmost important we understand the consequences of creating broken homes.

Let’s Talk About The Broken Home

Lately, we have been seeing news surrounding Nick Cannon and his multiple family units. Turns out one set of his twins was just recently born. It begs the question, “just because Nick is financially well off, why are we so quick to dismiss the fact that he is creating several broken homes ?” Can Nick or anyone for that matter be a good parent to multipledifferent households ? Not to harp on Nick, we see this dynamic with several celebrities such as Future, lil Durk, NBA Youngboy and a few others. Men who are wealthy and with 6 plus children.

Money Isn’t A Home

And okay… they have the monies but we all know that child support does not raise children. Neither does alimoney. Not even the two combined. I have this argument with persons of the opposite sex all the time and it is a hill I am willing to DIE ON. It is hard to be an involved parent to multiple households. Dedicating time to nurture relationships with one or two children is hard. So how are they able to do it with 6, 7 or 8 ? Cloning might be my best guess.

This is isn’t to say that these men don’t care of won’t try either. Many men in their counterarguments on Twitter on Facebook mention that Nick Cannon has been a model father up to this point. I argue that we can’t use that example because 2 kids from one home is entirely different than 6 kids from 4 homes. He won’t be able to use too much of his previous experience. Even the shear task of coordinating schedules with that many people to make sure all kids know their siblings will be an ongoing battle. T

Quality Over Quantity

his argument is moreso quality over quantity. Think about it: Do you do your best work at the beginning or end of your shift ? Chances are, after being in some hell hole for 8 plus hours you cease to give a fuck about what happens and just want to get home to a hot meal, maybe some ass and a comfortable bed. That’s sort of how this is. That youngest kid is the 8th hour. With more and more children you become too spread thin and exhausted, it’s humanly impossible to give them all the quality relationships they deserve. AND take care of yourself AND a career ? It’s not fucking happening my guy.

The point of this post is to create conversations about conscious parenting. Find ways to mend a broken home. Just because provide the basic necessities doesn’t mean we aren’t harming our children in some other way.

Quote That

“Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.

Robert Fulghum

Sometimes shit just doesn’t work out. You want what’s best for your children but things get in the way. Don’t teach them to settle in life by staying miserable in a marriage or relationship. Model the kind of person you wish them to be. “Broken” doesn’t always mean unhealthy.

But Anyway…

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