Victim Blaming: Dress How You Want to be Addressed

As I was scrolling through the bird app on Beyoncé’s internet, I happened upon a short but interesting clip that reminded me of victim blaming. The thirty second video was a visual podcast with a woman and two men discussion respectability. To keep it short… it was some bullshit. I’ll tell you that right the fuck now. But can we talk about it ? Let’s talk about it.

diverse multiracial male students intimidating ethnic female classmate on street
Photo by Keira Burton on

QOTD: Should Victims Be Held Fully Or Partially Accountable In Their Victimization ?

Before you see what they think on the podcast, close your eyes and think carefully about your own answer. Think about why you’ve answered that way. Is your answer based on personal experience ? Is it based off what your parents or guardian taught you when you were little ? Off what you’ve seen on tv ? Feel free to answer in the comments or under the Instagram post.

Man What About Victims ?!

The woman in the clip says something along the lines of, “Dress how you want to be addressed.” Meaning if a woman is wearing a mini skirt and tube top, she somehow deserves less respect than a woman in a ankle length skirt and turtleneck. The most interesting part of this whole interaction is one of the men was stating all women deserve respect regardless of what she may be wearing. The idea that what you wear contributes to or detracts from the amount of respect a person is entitled to is a shitty take to be honest. It creates the notion that a person is deserving of the ill treatment they receive because “they are asking for it”. This sentiment is a precursor to and an example of victim blaming.

Let’s Talk About Victim Blaming

So, what is victim blaming exactly ? Victim blaming occurs when the victim of a crime or any wrongful act is held entirely or partially at fault for the harm that befell them. For context in this blog, we are referring to victim blaming in how women, men and even children are blamed for their assaults.

Dress the way you want to be addressed.


Even If That Was True…

Let’s humor this idea that clothing is an acceptable method of addressing a person. Where do we draw the line ? Is this message “dress how you want to be addressed” solely for women ? Or are we asking men to rise to the challenge ? If a man dresses in “urban” clothing, am I to assume he is a thug or criminal of some sort ? How do children fit into this situation ? I’ve heard several times growing up that I need to put on shorts or change my clothing because a man was in the house. At the ripe age of eight, because I was running around the house in my t-shirt and underwear, I should only expect to be addressed in a sexual manner.

That’s An Issue For The Victim

The problem with this idea is that we are always directing our disappointment, opinions and outrage at everyone but the perpetrator. Same thing with victim blaming. You have all this smoke about what women, men and children should be doing to prevent victimization. Instead of having the smoke for the person that is creating victims. There is an unreasonable expectation that we need to be constantly thinking ten steps ahead. This is not helpful information. I cannot help the fact the someone feels they have the right to my body. I’m not responsible for someone that would prefer to interaction with me based on my fashion choices and not my character.

I am not sure where the disconnect is or what this issue with accountability began but is definitely is not passing the vibe check. I will always be willing to die on this hill. No matter what the person was doing, wearing, or at you do not get to place blame on them for someone else’s actions that has caused harm.

Quote That

Society Teaches Us DON’T GET RAPED Rather Than DON’T RAPE


But Anyway…

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