You Dirty Slut !

Recently, a slut of a man told me that based on my sexual history I do not deserve respect. Now these were not his exact words but I learned how to use context clues in grade school. No, his actual words were, “well since you just fuck anybody” and “I bet [insert name] has more class than that”. Let’s not forget, “my parents raised me better than that”. Then, to top it off , “I wish I could unfuck you”.

adult alluring attractive beautiful slut shaming
Photo by Valeria Boltnev

Misogyny and Slut-Shaming

I can honestly say this rhetoric didn’t come as a surprise because misogyny and misogynoir are real. After talking through this interaction, a dear friend brought it to my attention that I was being “slut shamed”.

The crazy thing is I didn’t recognize what was happening because I was stuck on the fact that this person was so upset about a situation that occured prior to us even connecting. I was stagnant at the thought of a “friend” demeaning and disrespecting me simply because I no longer was palatable. I suddenly, in his eyes, transformed into this uncomfortable thing; not a person but an other.

This issue has yet to be resolved but it felt important to talk about. This can be a learning situation for us all to maybe understand the WHY? Like sir, why are you so angry? Why attack my character as if you’re so different? And also, why is it so important to you for me to feel shame about sex?

Just My (Slut) Thoughts

The interesting thing about the concepts of misogynoir and misogyny in conjunction with sexuality is women are not owners of their bodies. We’re seen only as objects with male consumption as our sole purpose. This may be in the form sexual pleasure, reproductive and/or labor. The very moment a woman embraces her sexuality, she is demonized. News flash bitch! Women enjoy sex too and not all of us are getting our clubs shot up because we want to be mothers or housewives. Women are beginning to understand the empowerment with owning their sexuality.

Women’s Empowerment

We’re seeing more women today, such as Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion, creating spaces with music that give women an opportunity to control the when, where, why and how of what they do. WAP, which stands for wet ass pussy, was not controversial because it was vulgar; it was a problem because it was not a man that wrote or sang it.

There are movements outside of music too that help women regain control and empowerment of themselves and their own decisions. One such movement is the SlutWalk created in Ontario, Canada by organizer Sonya Barrett and popularized by socialite Amber Rose. The SlutWalk is a protest against rape culture, including victim blaming and YOU GUESSED IT… slut shaming.

Why It’s A Big Deal

The energy these women are bringing to the conversation is required to help dismantle a system that protects predatory behavior under the nuances like “boys will be boys,” and “if women would just cover up…”. This is not to say that only men are predators because women can get the smoke too. It’s merely a chance to point out the fact that they should never let blame fall to the victim. It’s disgusting that the violence suffered during a sexual assault becomes compounded by more violence after coming forward.

No one EVER and I mean EVER asks for it. So let’s stop pretending this violence towards women occurs because of a short skirt, tight dress and a few drinks when even women in burkas and hijabs fall prey to these sorts of men. It starts with slut shaming and then escalates to victim blaming and rape apologist. When there is no value in your humanity; they will always be forgive the violence that follows.

When’s the first time you ever got slut shamed ? Share your story in the comments and we’ll include it in the episode ! Also, don’t forget to subscribe.

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